Mixed Emotions

Current Mood: Confused
Thinking of: him, naturally!

Sometimes, I find it hard to understand how my feelings work especially when it's about him.

There are inevitable moments when I miss him and I ache for him wanting to hold me, and it's fantasy about a thousand heartbeats with the wind blowing on my face as I float over to him on the highest of cloud nines; arousing retardedly "mooshy" poems, romantic songs and rose petals.

Then, there are those infuriating times where I feel like my heart's being pinched and I just wanna hold out that gnarly feeling by crushing him beneath me.

Yet again, there are those painful moments when I feel like a distance away from him and my heart's flown by the breeze.

Argh!

Well, this is how love works, huh? In this case, it's like a million kazillion questions that keep hovering over my mind.

I know, I'm not making sense again! Like I said, I AM THE STORY TELLER. BEAR WITH ME!

Anyway, I'm exhausted. These days have been rather wasted for me particularly today when I feel semi-irritated. My eyes are a little blurry and my whole body feels like a bag of marshmellows. hehe (He calls me that! What a coincidence!)

Ok! Not only my eyes seem blurry but it seems to be affecting my head, too! Well, it's all I can think up for now. Pardon my weirdness.

I'm just really tired, ok?

-signing off- 9.18 pm (Monday 6/02/06)

Far Away

Current Mood: pensive
Thinking Of: many a things. . .

First post of the month. It's February already by the way. Funny how time flew by so fast. It only seems like yesterday when I said my first words. Hehe. I'm exaggerating, as usual.

But face it, it's true. sigh

I haven't got much to say as of today. Well, considering, it's a Sunday and all I did was bum around like I always do; going about my mundane routine of eat, sleep, eat, sleep and not forgetting to mention watching television and sitting by the internet, surfing my eyes out. Nyah.

Anyway, I've also been thinking a lot. Many thoughts have crossed my mind. One in particular is the fact that I'm off for college in a few months time and I haven't decided on the course and the school I desire without having to consult my parents.

They want me to be where I can be kept watch by my brother. But then, the campus that has the course that I want is miles away from where I was fixed on to reside. I'm still researching on a campus dormitory there where the school is. Unfortunately, my parents have set some issues on staying where the campus is co-educational. This is real hard. No matter, I just gotta keep my cool. Yet again...

Reality check: I"VE ONLY GOT LESS THAN 3 MONTHS TO DECIDE!!! Yikes!
Damn, others have already decided, and I haven't. How sucky is that?!

Anyway, enough about that. Another issue is, where is love gonna end up for us? See here,

Time and time again, people keep asking me,"what will happen to your boyfriend when you go back, Mae?"

Ulp. Tough question.

As much as I hate to think about it, it certainly is time to face the music. Love seems distant to me when I think about how life is going to be when I go and he stays.

Well, maybe, now's not the time to say anything. I don't want to jinx it all.

But then. . .

It does break a tear sometimes.

-signing off- 1:37 pm (Sunday, 5/02/06)