*sigh*

Current Mood: Distant
Thinking of: where I went wrong. . .

Let me sigh again.

sigh.

Once again, I've caused another fuss with my so-called unpredictable moods; it's frustrating, but I can't help it. It's my former gothic, rather, laid-back persona. Like I've mentioned before, it's like hidden gift I'm cursed with that was long before created due to my, er, pesimisstic outlook on life.

It's like no one ever did understood me when I thought they did. Worse yet, I can't even understand myself. So what is the whole point of me trying to make myself clear when I myself can't interpret what goes on in this frail mind of mine?

I still love him.

What are the odds of that? I pray each day that he'll be the one. But then again, I can't change fate. Destiny. Or whatever them clairvoyant phrases that some of us conform with.

Don't worry. I don't. I believe in Heavenly forces.

At times, when things like this happen, I wonder whether it's my fault or not. Or perhaps when I think it's not, I tend to twist what I have compromised at the beginning of everything I decide. *sigh* I'm not sure I made sense on this part.
I don't feel alright. It's hard to make sense as it is. Life's a solitary path for me at this moment. It depicts a depressing song accompanied by sad guitars and hollow drumbeats. Frightening.

It hurts when the one person I thought who could put my life back together hangs up on you thinking that you're just some kind of lunitic and claims he doesn't wanna put up with your s**t. Sure, easy for him to say he won't judge me, but who's to say he will? *sigh*

I still love him.

*argh* Anyway, no matter. It's only God who has the power to take him from me. And after all, I'm sure I'm better off out of his case soon before I drive him berserk.

Well, that still didn't make me feel any better but enough of that. I have other issues to deal with like struggling to earn my parents trust that I'm not just some stupid-o when they clearly don't.

I don't blame them.

Well, til the next sad, forlorn bullshit that spits out of my head. *sigh*
Fourth sigh of the day. I should get a prize for that. Ha Ha. Real funny, Mae.

Yeah. Whatever.

-signing off- 11:52 am